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Why did the cannibal clone his meal?
He
wanted to have seconds.
What do you get when you cross the Loch Ness monster
with a shark?
Loch Jaws.
What do you get when you cross a dog
 with
a can of lunch meat?
A cocker spamiel.
Why
do gorillas have big nostrils?
Big fingers!
How do really smart people clean their ears?
With I.Q. tips.
Why
did Pilgrims’ pants always fall down?
Because
they wore their belt buckle on their hat.
What
do turtles wear when it’s cold?
People-necked
sweaters.
What did the marathon runner drink before her big race?
Ketch-up.
What do you get if you cross a spaceship with a hamburger?
Unidentified Frying Object.
What do you get if you cross a spaceship
with a potato?
Unidentified Flying French Fries.
Why
is a mushroom so popular at a party?
Because
he’s a fungi!
What
do you get if you cross an elephant with a kitten?
A
very messy litter box.
What’s the difference between roast chicken
and pea soup?
Anybody
can roast chicken.
What
kind of shoes are made out of bananas?
Slippers.
What
do you call a monkey that likes lemon pie?
A meringue-utan.
What’s the youngest river and the oldest
river in Egypt?
The
Juve-Nile and the See-Nile.
What
did the Alien say to the bottle of soda?
Take
me to your Liter!
Where do you go to buy a soccer shirt?
New Jersey.
What
do you call an animal from
Australia
that gets run over?
A duck-billed splatypus.
Why
do tigers have stripes?
Because they’d look funny with polka dots.
What
do you get when you cross a toad with a movie about outer space?
Star Warts.
What kind of candy do bears like?
Gummy people.
What type of math do birds use to build a nest?
Twigonometry.
Doctor:
Ms. Brimner, you have acute bronchitis!
Patient: Why thanks, doctor, you’re kind of cute yourself.
Teacher on the phone: So Bree has the flu and
can’t come to school today? Who am I speaking with?
Voice on phone: This is my mother.
Sid:
My dog is worth $500.
Amy: No kidding! How long did it take her to save that much?
Teacher:
Cyrus, can you tell me where you might find the city of Timbuktu.
Cyrus:
I think it’s somewhere between Timbuk-one and Timbuk-three.
Teacher: Pablo, can you name the four
seasons?
Pablo: Salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
A
baby snake asked his mother, “Are we poisonous?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Because I just bit my tongue.”
Derrick: How do you like my new swimming pool?
Jana:
It’s great, but how come there’s no water in it?
Derrick: Oh jeez. Are you kidding? I don’t know how to swim!
First Monster: How ugly are the monsters in your
village?
Second
Monster: Very ugly! Last year we had a beauty pageant and nobody won.
Postman:
Will your dog bite strangers?
Home-owner: Only if she doesn’t know them.
Knock, knock.
Who’s
there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne
who?
Dwayne
the bathtub. I’m dwowning!
Knock,
knock.
Who’s
there?
Zinc.
Zinc
who?
Oh,
you’re welcome.
Knock,
knock.
Who’s
there?
Yolenda
Yolenda
who?
Yolenda
me a buck.
Knock,
knock.
Who’s
there?
Juan
Moor
Juan
Moor who?
Juan
Moor knock knock joke, and I’m out of here!
Come back
soon!
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